Well, after many days of going to the site and waiting for one of you well intentioned ner do all's to post some funny shit, I have decided to resort to something a bit more serious and poignant for these troubled times.

If Paul has appointed himself supreme ruler of a small village down there in the hinterlands, I would like to appoint myself as leader of the Frutipole Army. It will be similar to the KISS Army, but the make-up will be substantially different. Instead of black and white, we will mostly use pastels and paint sketches of wildlife on our bodies. And wear trendy shoes as markings for rank. It will be like Easter, everyday, except with less Jesus and more push-ups, high-stepping and hitchhiking. And probably more fish-net stockings if I can get Kristi to let Lance sign up.

During these timultuous times, it is important that the island nation of FruitPole protect itself and it's interests throughout the world. We must not be deterred by threats. Instead, we should use those threats to justify pre-emptive action against pretty much any one who disagrees with or gets in the way of our self love, self deprecation and substance abuse.

Do you have what it takes? Would like to be part of the Frutipole Army of One and jump into placid waterfalls clad with a purple tutu and armed with a Brimming bucket of "whoop ass" and "shut the fuck up?" I thought so. Don't be a stranger now, and give me a nice pinch on the tit and a "yeehaw," for good measure.

I apologize, but the rank of Rear Admiral has already been filled. We will be looking, however, for a Captain AnTenille and for a Catfish Thumb Gunnery Squadron leader.

Exercises will begin post haste. Please check your email for updates.