some weekend highlights...

What is the Dreaded Rear Admiral?
Message by James Cherry

Summary: Finally, what a rear admiral really is.
OK, so everyone was asking what the hell a rear admiral was. It was first mentioned in 1F04, last year's Halloween special.

BART: Milhouse...Milhouse, wake up, quick! Look out the window.
MILHOUSE: No way, Bart. If I lean over, I leave myself open to wedgies, wet willies, or even the dreaded rear-admiral!
Covering his ass, so to speak, "Treehouse of Horror IV"

Bill Oakley, who wrote that part of the script with Josh Weinstein, emailed me the definitive answer as to what a rear admiral is.

Regarding "Rear Admiral," I think the answer is probably as disappointing as you feared it might be: it doesn't exist. Here is the actual first draft script excerpt from the Halloween show:

BART: Milhouse. Milhouse, wake up. Quick, look out the window.
MILHOUSE: No way, Bart. If I lean over and put my face against the window, you're gonna smash it, or maybe pinch my butt real hard.

This was the first draft. In re-writing it, the writers wanted to go for something a little funnier, something that would sound like it was from the family of "flying wedgie," "purple nurple," etc. Someone, I do not remember who, said "Rear Admiral." It sounds real, having the word "rear" in it, but it was manufactured to sound real. As far as we
know, it doesn't really exist.

Here at Zwetibalz Construction Ltd., we are pleased to publicly recognize, in this noble and world-reknowned forum, the newest addition to our team: Maneim Zohye.

Maneim has been lurking in corners and furtively masturbating while watching our staff sweat and pound nails for so long now that we have simply decided to put him on the payroll as full time security. We have found that between simply repulsing any potential wrongdoers with his self-flagellation and posing a great risk to them due to the frantic and unpredictable flailings of the pistol that we have armed him with, our sites remain safe. And besides the boys have grown fond of him.

Welcome Maneim!

Sincerely,

The Brain Trust at Zwetibalz

I can't make love to your memory forever, Paul. Do you hear me? Come home. And take this as a sign of my affection.